House Rules PT4

HOUSE RULES — WEEK 4

Primary Text: Nehemiah 4:14 (KJV)

“And I looked, and rose up, and said unto the nobles, and to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, Be not ye afraid of them: remember the Lord, which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses.”

INTRODUCTION

The moment you decide to build something worth having, you also have to decide that it's worth protecting.

They have to be guarded and protected.

And sometimes—

they have to be fought for.

I want to preach today from this thought:

FIGHT FOR THE FAMILY

Now when I say, “Fight for the family,” some of you are thinking:

“Pastor, fighting isn't our problem. We have that covered.”

Some couples don't need a sermon on how to fight.

They need a sermon on how to stop fighting.

Some of you fought on the way to church.

Then you pulled into the church parking lot and something miraculous happened.

The doors opened—

and the anointing hit.

“Good morning!”

“Praise the Lord!”

“How are y'all doing?”

“We are BLESSED!”

No, you aren't.

Five minutes ago you told him you couldn't stand him.

But now you've got your church face on.

Most families don't need help learning how to fight.

We need to learn what we're supposed to be fighting.

Because sometimes we're fighting the people we should be fighting for.

Meanwhile, the things actually destroying the family are walking through the front door uncontested.

And Nehemiah gives us a different picture.

He says:

“Fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses.”

Notice what he didn't say.

He didn't say: Fight WITH your family.

He said: Fight FOR your family.

There's a difference.

The enemy would love to convince you that the person beside you is the problem, while the real problem goes unchallenged.

THE STORY OF NEHEMIAH

Let me give you the context.

Jerusalem had been devastated.

The walls were broken down.

And in ancient times, walls represented protection.

If the walls were down, the city was vulnerable.

Anything could get in.

Anybody could attack.

And Nehemiah hears about the condition of Jerusalem.

Nehemiah 1:3 says:

“The remnant that are left of the captivity there in the province are in great affliction and reproach: the wall of Jerusalem also is broken down, and the gates thereof are burned with fire.”

And Nehemiah's response is powerful.

Verse 4:

“And it came to pass, when I heard these words, that I sat down and wept...”

He cared about what was broken.

And I believe that's where restoration begins.

You will never rebuild what you refuse to admit is broken.

Nehemiah didn't pretend Everything's fine.”

He looked at what was broken and decided:

We're going to rebuild this.

And some of us need to look at our families with that same determination.

Let's rebuild it.

Broken doesn't have to mean finished.

That's worth saying again.

Broken doesn't mean finished.

If God can rebuild walls that have been reduced to rubble, God can rebuild relationships that have been damaged by life.

1. IDENTIFY WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY FIGHTING

Ephesians 6:12 says:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers...”

Paul says:

Know your enemy.

Your mother-in-law—

I'm going to leave that one alone.

But seriously:

The people in your family are not the enemy.

We have to stop turning family members into opponents.

Because if the enemy can get husband and wife fighting each other, he doesn't have to fight the marriage.

They'll do it for him.

If he can get parents and children so angry at each other that communication stops, he doesn't have to separate them.

They'll separate themselves.

This changes how I approach conflict.

Instead of: Me versus you.

It becomes: Us versus the problem.

That's completely different.

Because if I win an argument and damage my marriage—

I didn't win.

If I prove my point but destroy your spirit—

I didn't win.

Don't win the argument and lose the relationship.

Some victories cost too much.

Proverbs 15:1 says:

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Sometimes strength isn't raising your voice.

Sometimes strength is lowering it.

Sometimes maturity is saying:

“We're both upset. Let's come back to this when we can talk without hurting each other.”

Sometimes the strongest words you can speak in your house are:

“I'm sorry.”

“Forgive me.”

2. YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHERE THE WALL IS BROKEN

Nehemiah didn't just know the walls were broken.

He inspected them.

Nehemiah 2:13 says:

“And I went out by night by the gate of the valley... and viewed the walls of Jerusalem, which were broken down...”

He examined the damage.

Why?

Because you can't repair what you won't inspect.

Every family needs to occasionally ask:

Where are our walls weak?

Where are we vulnerable?

But you've got to know where the wall is weak.

Here's a question worth asking your spouse:

“Where do you think our family is most vulnerable right now?”

That's a powerful conversation.

Not: “What are you doing wrong?”

But: “Where are WE vulnerable?”

3. THE ENEMY DOESN'T HAVE TO DESTROY OUR FAMILY IF HE CAN DISTRACT IT

Luke 10 tells us about Martha.

Jesus is in her house.

Luke 10:40 says:

“But Martha was cumbered about much serving...”

She wasn't doing something evil.

She was serving.

But she became so distracted doing things for Jesus that she missed Jesus sitting in her house.

That's frightening.

Because it means:

You can be busy doing good things and still neglect the most important things.

Families are busy with.things

And none of those things are necessarily bad.

But at some point we need to ask:

Are we managing our schedule, or is our schedule managing our family?

Because one of the enemy's greatest weapons against modern families may not be destruction.

It may be distraction.

If he can't make you bad, he'll make you busy.

Don't become so busy providing a life for your family that you forget to live life with your family.

4. WATCH THE GATES

The walls protected Jerusalem, but the gates controlled what entered the city.

And every home has gates.

What comes through the television?

What comes through the phone?

What comes through music?

What comes through friendships?

What attitudes are we allowing into our homes?

Proverbs 4:23 says:

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

The word “keep” carries the idea of guarding.

We guard things we consider valuable.

You lock your house.

You lock your car.

You protect your bank account.

You have passwords on everything.

Why?

Because it's valuable.

Then why would we leave the spiritual atmosphere of our homes completely unguarded?

Now hear me carefully.

I'm not talking about raising children who are terrified of the world.

I'm talking about raising children who know how to discern the world.

Eventually your children are going to make their own decisions.

So the goal can't simply be:

“Keep everything bad away from them forever.”

The goal is to develop wisdom inside them.

**Protection says, “I won't let you see anything.”

Preparation says, “I'm going to teach you how to recognize what you're seeing.”**

We need both.

When they're young, protect.

As they grow, prepare.

Teach them why.

Talk about what Scripture says.

Don't let the internet have the first conversation with your children about the most important issues of life.

If the church and the family refuse to talk, culture will gladly fill the silence.

To be continued...